Sleeping Together With Your Baby

Sharing a bed with your baby is very common and completely normal in Eastern societies. In Western societies, however, it tends to be frowned upon, because there is a belief that children should become independent as soon as possible. People assume that children who sleep in the same bed as their parents as babies will end up clingy and unable to stand on their own two feet later on. This is not true. On the contrary, becoming independent is a developmental milestone. Physically and mentally, babies need to stay close to their parents in order to survive and thrive. As a child grows, their brain matures and they take steps towards independence. But while they are still very small, they need their parents. To arrive at independence, we first have to allow dependence.

If we push a child towards independence before they are ready, out of fear that they will become clingy, the opposite can happen: the child may grow into an adult who never quite manages to become independent. The best way to raise confident, independent individuals is to let your child come close whenever they need to. There is no independence without dependence first.

Research shows that sharing a room carries no psychological risk whatsoever. A study carried out in 2005 found that 40% of children slept with their parents at least once a week. What is more, children who slept separately from their parents as babies were no less likely to sleep with their parents once they reached school age. This shows that we cannot teach a baby independence simply by putting them in a separate room. Throughout the night, children need close contact with their parents when they are frightened, when they do not feel safe, and when they need closeness. Even at nursery and primary school age, they will come to their parents on the nights when they feel unsettled. For them, this is a return to the time in infancy when they felt safe.