Potty Training

Potty training can begin from around the age of two. The key point is that it should follow the child's readiness rather than the parents' wishes. A child may signal that they are ready by showing discomfort at a dirty nappy, or by telling you they need the toilet. Because children love imitating adults, they will enjoy going to the toilet with a parent or older sibling and pretending to sit on their potty. While they are getting used to the idea, you can give them a doll wearing pants and let them play at helping it wee in the potty. Once you have observed that your child is ready, you can ask them whether they would like to wear pants that day. If they say yes, you can explain that they will be more comfortable if their pants stay dry, that this means pulling their pants down when they need a wee or a poo, and that they should tell you when they need the toilet. On some days children may feel stressed and want to wear a nappy that day. This should be accepted without pressure so that they feel comfortable. A child whose body is respected will want to wear pants again once they feel ready. When they are wearing pants, it is important that they keep control themselves. There is no need to keep asking whether they need the toilet or to keep taking them there. After a few accidents, they will work out that they need to remember for themselves. When accidents happen, there should never be any punishment; saying "There's been an accident, come on, let's clean it up together" tells the child that accidents happen sometimes and that their parent still accepts them, which helps them feel good about themselves. Although rewards may appear to work in the short term, they send the message that we do not trust the child's own ability to learn and grow. This can later give rise to tantrums and a desire to control everything around them. When rewards are not used, the child is able to enjoy their own achievement. And because it becomes a behaviour they control themselves, problems such as holding in wee and poo, or constipation, do not arise. Some children are ready at three rather than two. Trusting them to grow and develop at their own pace is important.

If children feel that they can return to babyhood whenever they want (when the option of a nappy is still there), they find it easier to be brave about trying new things. There may be occasional returns to nappies. During stressful periods (illness, moving house, travel, bereavement, divorce, the birth of a sibling), going backwards is very common. When they feel well and ready, they will want to wear pants again. It is important to give them that time. If you are going through one of the stressful periods mentioned above, you might consider postponing potty training.