Preparing your child for a new baby
When you are expecting a new baby, it is important to prepare your other child for it. Depending on their age, you can prepare them with books and pictures, by playing with dolls, and by talking about what is going to happen. If they are old enough to ask questions, they may well ask them, and it is important to answer them truthfully. If you tell them the baby will be a playmate for them, they may feel disappointed once the baby arrives. Instead, talk about how the new baby will need looking after and will need you. As the birth draws closer, tell your child where you will be on the day and where they will be.
Once the baby is home, give your child jobs to do as well. Fetching a nappy, for example, could be their responsibility. Let them touch the baby and, while you are there beside them, let them have a cuddle, so that you give them the chance to bond with their sibling too.
If there is jealousy, they may show their unease through aggression towards their mother and father, aggression towards the baby, stubbornness, being demanding, or regressing to babyhood. They may refuse to feed or dress themselves, and if they were potty trained they may go back to nappies and want to breastfeed again. At this point it is important to identify the need that lies beneath your child's behaviour.
Your child needs love and security, and they also need to release the angry feelings they have towards the baby. Set aside special time for your child every day, even if it is only 10 to 15 minutes, and let it be their time with you. If they want to play, play; if they want cuddles or to be treated like a baby, go along with it. Show them photographs of themselves as a baby and tell them about their own birth and babyhood. You can give them a doll so that they can let out their feelings of resentment and anger. One day they may love the doll and the next day they may hit it. Do not stop them, because they are releasing their anger. If they cry or angrily say they do not love their sibling, do not dismiss their feelings by saying, "No, don't talk like that, you really do love your sibling." Instead, say something like, "Having a new sibling and having me look after them is very hard for you," and let them feel that you understand and accept their feelings. In this way they will feel understood, and their distress will ease.
About the author
Clinical Psychologist Orlit Linet Haklı — After completing a double major in Psychology and Sociology at Koç University, I graduated from the Clinical Psychology programme at Bahçeşehir University. For three years I worked with the Solidarity Association with Refugees and Migrants, a UNICEF project, conducting individual psychotherapy and group art therapy sessions with refugee children and adolescents. I currently provide parental counselling at a private practice in Kadıköy on the Anatolian side of Istanbul, working with children, adolescents and adults using psychodynamic psychotherapy, play therapy and art therapy.