Should babies be sleep trained?
Many sleep training methods promise that your baby will sleep through the night without support or interruption, and they usually achieve this by letting babies cry for gradually longer periods. Babies who have been sleep trained really do sleep unsupported and uninterrupted, but not because they have learned to calm themselves: they stop crying and stop asking for their caregivers because they have given up. Studies have found that babies in orphanages whose cries went unanswered stopped crying altogether. They became extremely passive, showed developmental delays in every area, and were unable to form healthy bonds with other people.
In the first years of life, babies form ideas about themselves, about other people and about the world. A baby whose cries go unanswered may come to believe that the world is unpredictable and that people cannot meet their needs. In adulthood they may become someone who cannot trust anyone, who believes they have no power over what happens to them, who feels weak, helpless and worthless, and who thinks they are not worthy of being loved.
Babies cannot understand the reasons behind other people's behaviour. In other words, your baby does not think, "My caregiver isn't coming to me and isn't picking me up so that I learn to sleep." They perceive this behaviour as, "I need you and you are not coming, you are ignoring my need, you are rejecting me." Babies whose every cry is answered, on the other hand, develop a basic sense of trust, believe the world is a predictable and safe place, feel strong and gain self-esteem.
The exact opposite of this behaviour is also risky. It is a mistake to meet babies' needs before they ask, on the assumption that you already know what they want. Feeding them before they are hungry, changing their position because you think they are uncomfortable, or handing them their toys before they reach for them all prevent babies from developing an awareness of their own power. They cannot make a connection between their own actions and the outside world. For this reason, it is important that babies' needs are met after they have expressed them.
About the author
Clinical Psychologist Orlit Linet Haklı — After completing a double major in Psychology and Sociology at Koç University, I graduated from the Clinical Psychology programme at Bahçeşehir University. For three years I worked with the Solidarity Association with Refugees and Migrants, a UNICEF project, conducting individual psychotherapy and group art therapy sessions with refugee children and adolescents. I currently provide parental counselling at a private practice in Kadıköy on the Anatolian side of Istanbul, working with children, adolescents and adults using psychodynamic psychotherapy, play therapy and art therapy.