Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety begins at around six months and continues until the end of the second year. From birth until six or eight months, babies do not realise they are separate beings from their caregivers. During this period your baby realises that they are a separate being from their primary caregiver (mother or father), and the possibility of being separated frightens them. Object permanence also begins to settle in at this time, meaning your baby knows that objects still exist even when they disappear from view. Because of this, when your baby is separated from their mother, they cannot tell whether she has gone for one minute or forever, and this terrifies them. Once this period begins, babies want to be closer to their caregivers. They cannot bear even short separations and start to cry. When babies are tired, hungry or unwell, separation will be even harder for them.

What can you do?

• You can play Peekaboo (Cee-ee),
• You can hide a toy under a cloth and let your baby find it,
• You can play a teddy bear family game with the toys, where the parent bear goes to work and comes back,
• You can read three-dimensional books and let your baby hide and find the object themselves,
• You can say you are going into another room for a short time, 30 seconds or a minute, leave your baby with someone they trust and call out to them from the other room,
• You can create a goodbye ritual: a bye-bye song, a bye-bye kiss and a cuddle can become your ritual.

Saying bye-bye and smiling as you go out of the door helps your baby feel secure, so you should never slip away without saying goodbye. The separation anxiety your baby experiences is part of normal development. If your baby calms down when you return and carries on playing, you can relax: it means you have formed a secure attachment.